A Rant About Bad Local Movies

There is obviously a difference between being a hater and being very critical. Sometimes however, it gets confusing. Is it you being objective or is it you being very critical because you don’t like something to begin with? haters going to hate and critics going to criticize. Maybe they go hand in hand with critics being haters and haters being critics. Sometimes when it comes to some Filipino movies and things in general, i think i’m a bit of both.

Last night while I was wrapping my books, my cousin was watching some old movies from Cinemaone, a Filipino movie channel. It was Thursday horror night and I wasn’t paying much attention to it. I remember the film, but seriously some aswang movies don’t really interest me after having watched a horrible rape scene from one when I was little. Talk about parental guidance. I was having glimpses of the movie every now and then and we thought that compared to some aswang movies nowadays there aren’t much changes. We also appreciate the old movies with the nicely done attempt of creating a creature through costume. It wasn’t really realistic but it works. Compared to movies nowadays trying to use CG technology and still failing. The costume in my opinion looked much better than the FAIL attempt to use technology to create bat wings and stuff. At least you’d know it wasn’t that hi-tech back then. The movies that try to use graphics to create a scary effect just end up being a C-rated horror film which isn’t horrific actually. An example of such would be one of the Shake Rattle and Roll movies about the Ondoy storm. The twist was actually very annoying and the story absurd. The failure was they used an extremely bad computer generated water coming out from the elevator. They should try to learn from other Asian movies who are really successful in getting those hairs stand such as some Thai and Japanese horror films. By learning, I don’t mean to say COPYING the poster and the concept such as Guni-Guni.

Not everyone can appreciate an old film. I would say I can but it’s not that I can’t criticize it either. The good thing about old films is that some of them even despite not being that good is you could just watch it again. Last night after the aswang movie, I got to watch this other Filipino movie whose title I never got to know. There were cliche parts of the story that was creatively done but some parts I could just guess. Like how her dad would probably die and stuff like that. I especially HATE the raising of the eyebrows to flirt. It was supposed to be comedic but even then before I disliked it. I guess I just had to laugh at that scene because the hairstyle and the fashion was just so 80’s – 90’s. What annoyed me was the story line. So the bigger sister disapproves of this poor guy pretending to be rich so he could date her rich step sister. He impregnates her, obviously. At the near end of the story the guy was found out in his poor house (living alone)  by the older sister who threatens him and gives him 100,000 pesos to get away from her sister. The guy is an absolute douche bag of course, but after her step sister giving birth fainting with a foamy mouth, the doctors just found out she has BRAIN CANCER! So the sister, with pale lips and silky satin dress with a sexy cut requests that her love see her. The older sister goes to the house of the guy and asks for forgiveness and the douche bag had the nerve to get angry at the sister because she threatened him. So the sister begs for forgiveness just so he could come because her sister is on her deathbed. She knelt on the mud and ate the mud like the old hit Mari-mar(Thalia) and cried for his forgiveness. Totally irrelevant but the producers probably think it was a good hit. Yeah eat mud! it will shock the masses, they will love it! You would think he’d forgive right? WRONG! He’s still angry, accusing her of threatening him and paying his dignity (which we never know why he never returned it immediately in the first place). By the way, the step sister suspects but still doesn’t know that he’s a fake. He throws the money to her face.  The sister goes back to bring the bad news and later on the guy is outside the house shouting. So the supposedly extremely sick step sister rushes out, RUSHES to greet him. Around 3/4’s of the way, the guy runs to and the girl after having a 2 minute conversation ends up dead on his arms still wearing that satin sexy dress. The sister has a half-sister during the duration of the story was supposed to elope with this guy. The older sister finds out, storms the place where they were having a teasing yet innocent bed scene. The sister of course gets angry and the boy retaliates stupidly and jokingly saying he has the consent of his dad to do so and that he prays his dad will never get angry at him ever so he won’t have any financial problems in the future with the half-sister. She calls him a good for nothing boy without even a shred of ambition who leans too much on his family. Quite right, right? the dad for some reason storms inside and says it was unfair of her to call her son that. Does she want to have a battle of the riches? POOF! Wedding bells come. Oh God. Well it was comedic so I forgave the cliche-ness and the irritating eyebrows. I even had fun watching and laughing with and at it. At least it wasn’t melodramatic and CLICHE I guess. That I can’t really forgive no matter how you try to pass it with overly dramatic screaming and crying-annoying.

After that certain movie, another movie came with teenage girls speaking in Taglish or english with an American accent. Another thing I hate. “Conyo” or pretentious taglish and pretentious accents. Goodness stop trying to force the script by inserting a bit of English here and there it’s absolutely irritating it’s not even smooth and people don’t even say it that much! Reminds me of this recent film regarding a kid who dreams up the future crimes and reports it to the police. The entire freaking movie was done in english and it was just so BAD! They even entered it to a film festival! I face palm myself in embarrassment for my nation. It is more embarrassing than the bad traffic and the littered streets and the corruption headlines. I think it’s a lot of colonialism which I may explain next time. At first I thought it was a political movie made by a rich politicking dad for his son to help him rise to fame and getting a bargain with politics at the same time. It wasn’t BUT It was THAT bad. Rebecca Black bad and more.

Thing about movies is that there’s a general sucky criteria. It never changes. One could understand the douche-bag guy getting angry at the sister in some ways. It happens in reality with douche-bags who had been shown kindness/forgiveness/remorse by those who wronged them in the first place. Yeah, of course a bruise in the dignity would really hurt but a scolding and rough treatment was to be expected from fooling and impregnating her sister. DUH. I believe sucky movies and sucky scenes sometimes just repeat all over again no matter the time. Golden movies last through the ages even if, for example it’s a silent movie. Most especially movies that just try to sell? I’ve seen great indie movies that have low budget but are actually wonderful. I guess movies are sometimes like microeconomics. The more competition, the better movies are made and the bad producers and studios are weeded out. Unlike economics, art and film is an industry where you can either be a starving or not starving artist. One of the worst movies in my opinion was Cloverfield who gave me an expensive P200 worth of headache. It was a bold trying-to-be unique movie that just didn’t work for me nor for my family. Which one sucks more? That or those  other movies? Well at least I still like to watch those old films even if sometimes I just have to voice a negative opinion in the middle of the story.It’s like a bad telanovela/series/novel. It may not be all that bad.  It may even be better than you think.


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